5 Ways Parents Can Better Support Their Children During the College Admissions Process

Whether your child is just entering high school or is in the last stages of deciding on a university, it’s important as a parent to remain steadfast and supportive. The role changes throughout the process— sometimes you’re a spellchecker, a driver, a cheerleader. You may find yourself proofreading essays, touring campuses, or simply wearing a sweater in support of your child’s decision. All these duties no matter how minor are crucial.

The application process can be long, stressful, time-consuming, costly, and taxing on even the best family dynamic. You and your child may weather it in different ways. From the big stuff to the bumper stickers, here are some things to keep in mind to help you both cope better with this next stage in development:

 

1. Respect their goals

In this process, it’s easy to feel as if you’re the one applying to college. You did hours of research, visited colleges on weekends, and scoured the internet for essay writing tips. However, this is your child’s journey. It is their accomplishment.

You may have ideas as to which college, program, or region your child should enroll in. Instead of impressing these preferences on your child, try to understand the options or alternatives they have come up with. 

Respect the path your child chooses for themselves. D1 Sports? Co-ed Dorms? Debate team? College is their time to further develop their interests and eventually declare a major. Too much involvement on your part may confuse that process. Give your child space to explore what attracts them. Be it a city school, a tiny school, or a school you’ve never heard of.

As a high schooler, your child may have already developed strong ideas about what they want to pursue, or they may not have any clear goals yet. In either case, talk to them about where they see themselves attending. Write down or keep track of preferences, like academic fields or sports teams, that your child shows interest in as to better guide both of your processes. Use the “Exploring Colleges Worksheet” to gather important information. Keep in mind that even seemingly minor details, like must have green spaces or requires vegan/vegetarian food options, can prove to be helpful in choosing which programs to research or further explore.     

 

2. Understand their Pacing 

The college process is riddled with deadlines. You and your child may constantly feel like you’re working against the clock. There are interviews to schedule, counselors to meet, and endless paperwork to be filed. 

The application process is a huge undertaking and each student handles it differently. A freshman just starting to look at programs can feel just as overwhelmed as a senior can signing a deposit check. Remember, your child is making a series of important decisions. They may need time to mull over which piece to play for an audition or just time to process what’s happening. Allow them to take each hurdle at their own pace. 

Don’t rush. Build in time to be scared. Time to be undecided. Time to understand. Talk to each other about time management. If your child seems distracted or spread too thin with other commitments, offer to help. Also take time to breathe. Take breaks. Take walks. Go to the movies. Make an elaborate multi-deck sandwich. Both of you. Alone and together.

Create a calendar or list of dates with your child that they need to keep in mind during the application process. Keep standardized test dates, exams, holidays, family commitments, sports games and other activities that your child needs to participate in or attend in mind. Downloading an “Event Calendar” or “Application Timeline” is a great way to visualize the time you have. 

 

3. Be Willing to Help and be Helped

Depending on your child’s interests, you may need the help of tutors, counselors, advisors, coaches, or a host of other professionals during the course of their college application process. 

Be open to adding team members. You may be tempted to take on every task yourself, but make the option available for both you and your child. It is ok for a parent to not have all the answers. You’ll also benefit from sharing the workload. 

It may also help your child to talk to an outside source or other authority. An advisor is simply another resource designed to help your child as they continue to explore their interests, academically and beyond. An outsider might also be a good opportunity for your child to learn to speak for themselves, ask for what they need, and self-advocate.

Instead of taking on more research, consider enlisting the help of an Advisor or other professional to help your child specifically with areas, like sports recruitment, where you are not an expert, but someone else is. One often overlooked resource is high school college counselors. These individuals tend to be the hidden gems of the application process. Take advantage of the free help and be sure to use them before assuming you have to look elsewhere. Similarly, academic tutors can be great sources of guidance in demystifying the college process. 

 

4. Listen/Talk

During the application process, it is important to know when to speak up and when to listen. Be perceptive of your child’s needs as well as your own. Be vocal about how you’re feeling and what you’re experiencing. Even if you spend all day together, there will be plenty going through your heads that you could both benefit from sharing. 

The college process requires a lot of communication. On both your parts. Be sure to also talk. Talk about distance to campus, scholarships, finances, budgets, furniture, IKEA, family, siblings, meal plans, mascots, sweatshirts, expectations, dreams, and everything in-between.

It may also help to have designated times or topics throughout the day or week. College talk should not be scheduled from dawn till dusk. Make sure to also talk about friends, television, sports, or whatever your child’s other interests are. Allow time for silence. For frustrations. For joy. For them and for you. 

Talk to your child about how you feel you can be most helpful in the process. What are your strengths-- proofreading? Interviewing? Math? And what are your weaknesses? If you’re not particularly strong at a subject, you will both know then to seek outside help. Being open and honest in this way with each other will ease the process for both of you. 

 

5. Be Available

Amidst all the scheduling and drafting of personal statements, remember that you won’t necessarily know how or when your child will need you. As a parent, you may be all geared up to visit colleges or write tuition checks; however, your child may need something else, something unexpected along the way. 

It may be a ride to an interview or support on the long walk to the mailbox. They may need help deciding on an essay topic or an audition outfit. They may need space. They may need a pep talk in the middle of the night. They may need the other parent.

Expect the unexpected. Prepare to be unprepared. Whether this is your first rodeo or your last, understand that the process changes. Life changes. Be open to whatever developments may come up during these years. Be flexible, understanding, and open to your child. Above all, be their parent. 

Make your commitments known as well. Whether it’s Tax Day or an upcoming wedding, let them know when you will be busy as to avoid any unnecessary surprises. Add these to a communal calendar or list of dates to that both you and your child are aware. 

 

 

If you are interested in speaking with one of our Advisors about the College Admissions Process, you can schedule a free consultation here.

 

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For additional information and insights, check out our blog: 

When is a good time to start planning for college? Part 1 

Parenting Advice: How to Help Your Child with College Planning

Versed Guide to Tutoring Services

How to Help Your Teens Manage Their Time

High School Extracurriculars Simplified